Surviving a Narcissist: The Toxicity, The Chaos, and The Lessons

Have you ever been the target of a narcissist? If so, you know the mental gymnastics, the manipulation, and the relentless toxicity that come with it. If you haven’t—consider yourself lucky.

It wasn’t until later in my adult life and career that a narcissist quietly infiltrated my world. My narcissist disguised themselves as good, pure, loving, and honorable—a true chameleon. At first, it was all rainbows and butterflies—until, suddenly, I had no idea what hit me.

My fight-or-flight instinct kicked in, but instead of running, I looked around at others, who seemed fine, and thought, “It must be me.” (Ugh…a home run for the narcissist.)

The ironic part? The moment I started confiding in friends and family, they immediately said, “You’re dealing with a narcissist.” It wasn’t one big, obvious event—it was a slow, calculated unraveling. A series of tiny, almost imperceptible manipulations that built the foundation for something far more damaging.

Fortunately for me, our relationship ended abruptly. At first, I was in shock. But with time—and a lot of self-reflection—I finally felt something I hadn’t in a long time: I could breathe again. Really breathe.

I was recently talking to a friend about the crushing grip narcissists have on their victims and the slow surrender we unknowingly give them. It’s a psychological game—one designed to strip away your confidence and leave you questioning your reality. And escaping? That’s another battle entirely for so many.

Breaking free from a narcissist feels like emerging from a cult-like trance—your identity shaken to its core. Thank goodness for the self-help section on Amazon, podcasts, and therapy, right?!

The Narcissist’s Playbook: A Masterclass in Manipulation

At first, they charm you (This is known as the honeymoon phase.). They praise your work, admire your talents, and build you up—only to slowly chip away at your confidence. The gaslighting is subtle at first:

🌀 “I never said that.” (They did.)
🌀 “I’m sorry you feel that way.” (Zero accountability.)
🌀 “I’ve done so much for you, and it’s not appreciated.” (Lies.)

Before you know it, you’re walking on eggshells, second-guessing yourself, and questioning truths you once knew. That’s the toxicity of a narcissist—they LITERALLY rewrite reality to serve their ego.

The Fallout: Breaking Free from the Cycle

Realizing you’re in a narcissist’s grip feels like waking up from a nightmare you didn’t know you were trapped in. You start seeing the patterns, the control, the meanness, the manipulation—but getting out? That’s where the real fight begins, especially for those married to one (for the sake of my husband, I want to clarify that I’m not referring to him here).

Narcissists don’t let go easily. They crave control. They twist narratives, spread lies, and play the victim to maintain their power. And when you finally break free? They’ll do everything in their power to paint you as the villain.

The Lesson: Reclaiming Your Power

Here’s the good news—you learn. You recognize the red flags sooner. You set boundaries quicker and stronger. And most importantly, you take back your power!

If you’ve been through this, you’re not alone. The scars narcissists leave behind are real, but they’re also proof that you survived.

Want to Outsmart a Narcissist? Listen to This.

Mel Robbins has hosted remarkable guests who break down the psychology of narcissists—and, more importantly, how to break free from their grip. If you haven’t listened to “Outsmart a Narcissist: A Proven 4-Step Plan to Take Your Power Back,“ it’s a must, so grab your 🎧 headphones and listen with intention and purpose.

I listened to it on a hike—the place I go to find clarity. I’d love to know what you think after you listen to the full episode.

For anyone who needs some tips and strategies, I’m including a great resource I found from The Counseling Center Group. Here is “How to Handle a Narcissist: 8 Effective Strategies For Self-Care.“

Have you ever dealt with a narcissist? Drop a comment or share your experience—because the more we talk about it, the more we reclaim our power, and the more we help others.

Make moves, live boldly!

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